On the path to recovery

Emotions have got the better of me, but I'm glad it was short-lived. I received a Lily flower from a concerned friend and was immediately cheered up by it. Simple gesture but I was deeply touched.

As I ran through my train of thoughts, I realised, that all these are Deja-vu.

The fact that we gave a 2nd chance to the relationship because we couldn't let go. And right now, I saw how history had repeated itself. And that I might have almost stepped onto the same mistake I had made. It would have been an incorrigible mistake.

7 years and you still couldn't make up your mind, what took me so long to figure out? Well, I have decided to stop blaming and move on. I need to let go for the final time. I need to start living the life I want to lead. At the age of 26, its not too late to start finding my new direction and the new soulmate.

I just have to pick up the pieces and start building.

Wreaking havoc

Why do you need to talk to me when you are in India? Why do you have to send me such messages?

When can I forget this and move on? When can I recover? Will I be alone for a long long time?

Unproductive day

Whatever happen to the super hardworking me? Just can't believe I am doing so little work...

Have I ever told you that whenever I feel down, I will go to a hair salon and so something to my hair? Instead of heading home to rest, my legs brought me to Kimage.

Almost wanted to have a total revamp of my hairstyle, but Ray, my hairstylist advise against it. I guess he understand my hair best, so I left it to him.

Lesson from school

Pardon me now but my mind is still full of 'demands' and 'supplies', inflation, GDP, GNP.... and whatnot. I just couldn't focus in classes these days and my mind tend to wonder... when I did manage to focus, I had already lost half of what she said and have no idea what she was babbling about.

What a diligent student I made.

Anyhow, I scored 2 Aces for my 1st semester. Wonderful, i say. But not so lucky for this semester. My brain is not accustomed to such financ-eey modules.

My facebook status was saying : 'Good men are either taken or are Gay.'

Trust my words.

The wrong side of 20s

Just came back from supper with friends @ Bliss, saw other friends over there too, didn't knew that I have so many Hougang friends. I was told that another area in Hougang would make a great place to hang out like Bliss, that's at Charlton.

We talked about friends around us @ our age, and what wrong things people are doing these days. Shotgun marriages on the rise, divorce happening on the 2nd week of the marriage, couples fooling around, how men are fickle-minded and women are heartless. The world is seriously going upside-down. Amidst the talk, I thought to myself, shouldn't i count myself lucky that i did not meet such assholes.

Me, at the wrong side of 20s, is busy catching up with my peers in terms of my studies. My career is nothing fantastic, but I count my blessings with great colleagues. Yes, sometimes I do feel lonely without that someone special by my side, but I think I would be able to adapt to the singlehood with time.

我不想再为情所困。

Women re-create

I receive this in a email and found it interesting, so I'm sharing it here.



Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater
If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.

She multiples and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready for a ton of shit!

What's wrong?

A text from him : ..when do you want your stuff back? should I pass everything to your parents?

Sigh... pass to my parents and get questioned by them? What's the matter with him? He'd rather be confronted by my parents than to meet me and handover my stuffs?

My heart is once again smashed. Each time I thought I healed, and yet each time the wound got deeper.I'm deeply wounded this time round, I didn't do as well as the other time. What have i got myself into?

Am having a splitting headache

Not happy, really not happy with the kind of 'support' i get from him. What do I need to do so the guys could really help out? I'm disappointed.

A statement about men

Today, I made a statement in office while we were on the topic of 'Men'.

"Men are just stupid, they can't read minds. Their brains are programmed to read a few things -- maps, soccer news, playboy magazines and games." Alright, its just a sweeping statement, but it does have some truth to it.

Years ago, i told all my female friends this equation -- half of the male population are gay. I still believe in this, because more of them are just coming out of the closet. What we don't see or don't hear doesn't mean they don't exist. I'm pretty good in sussing them out.

Single ladies, expand your search to foreign talents, so many of them here right now on our land.

I'm talking crap, seriously need to de-stress.

Falling in love with.....

I am falling in love... that feeling is so wonderful, and so at ease.
Haha, I am falling in love with Yoga lah... I am going to do more research on Yoga and its benefits, and try to practise what I learn at home.

It could just be the right method to cure my leg injuries and correcting my posture. I am already feeling the great effects on my body.

Happy Valentines'

Following a great session of yoga, I'm heading for another session tomorrow morning. Start my day refresh and then head all the way to changi airport to study. I know, like wth? Go so far to study? You don't know me, I just cannot study at home, too many distractions! And the further the better, less likely to go town to watch movie, shop, or just give up and head home.

Moreover, downtown will be filled with couples to celebrate Valentines' Day, no room for singleton like me. I'm not complaining, in fact I'm ok with it. Its a rare occasion that I have the full day free to do my own stuffs.

If you're celebrating this lover's day, Happy Valentines' Day to you. If you're not, nothing to be sad about, its just another normal day, with more reasons for spending extra money because of the jacked-up prices on roses and restaurants. The commercialised way to celebrate love... *yawnz*

Straighten out my thoughts!

I just realised that I have been so depressed for the past 2 months. Most people couldn't tell, even myself. But its the little frustrations inside me and bottling up of everything that has caused my unhappiness. I just couldn't let go of things, and blamed everything else and everyone else. Instead of finding friends to confide and cry my heart out, I chose to hide and cry to myself.

How foolish of me.

Love is such a mysterious and powerful energy, it could either make you insane, or it could make your life wonderful.

I just came back from a yoga session, it is such a powerful session that I felt awaken right after the workout. The clouded mind seemed to be awake now. As the cantonese phrase says, I am more 醒目now. Meditation really helps.

I am going to open up my life, and open up myself.

almost fell into depression

I am getting a little depressed each day, I laughed on the surface, but unhappy underneath. Sigh... don't know what's wrong with me. I hope I don't get the real clinical depression.
Must be the tremendous amount of stress i'm facing these past weeks plus my lack of chanting. Must get my momentum going, how?

Anyways, for the very first time, I'll be going for a Hot Yoga session tomorrow! I am so looking forward to it. Healing time.

I feel like giving up!!!

Unloading one by one

Finally handed up the economics assignment today. What's next? 2 quizzes next week. And next? Financial accounting assignment. All these would de done by the end of this month, short month...because there are only 28 days. In between these schoolwork, I am managing my time with planning meetings and discussion meetings. I felt like i couldn't perform my roles well, given the limited time I have, all my efforts are diluted. The way I saw how I manage my commitments for toastmasters, I really want to shake my head. And whats more, I am getting so rusty without the practise of speaking.

The past week was crazy for me, as I count the number of deadlines coming up. Now that a couple of them is unloaded off my mind, I can finally breathe a bit. I seriously need to catch up with my studies. I am so far behind.... But whenever I looked at my FA text, I just wished to do something else. Debit credit debit credit, am so lost. I finally understand why I chose to go into Design field last time, because I hate figures. Its so strange that I am still in the Insurance industry. But I am going to be persistent, not giving up this time round, unlike the past. I have wasted far too much time.

And finally, I can start dieting. The CNY festive season made me pile on some weight!

Shagged

Time now is 4:10am. I just bathe and sitting down to check emails and blog this. Just came home from my classmate's place after finishing our Economics project. The final 10-20% editing will be done by me.

And a few hours later, at 1pm, I have to be up at Hougang Mall to do some shopping for the BBQ in the evening. After the BBQ, meeting friends for supper @ Serangoon Garden who came back all the way from Scotland for the CNY. I wonder with my lack of sleep and proper rest, how much longer can I last?

Sunday's gathering is cancelled, I am relieved! That free up some time for me to breathe a bit. Maybe I should postpone catching the movie with my friend too. Which means I have a little more time to do my TM chapter meeting planning plus the final editing of project.

See, no time to study. My thick thick textbook is brand new, shows how much I get to touch it.

Okay, time to sleep.

Up the stress level

I just realised I did not send out a very important email, which was still stuck inside my drafts folder, what the hell!!!!

I hope the BBQ can go on well, despite the lack of planning. This is suppose to be my project, but it seems now R is taking things into her hand and pushing the project forward. Without her initiative, think i might just die and flop the whole thing. Thank you so much R.

Someone please save me from my misery. Stress level is way too high now.

Study study study

I have no dates on V Day, with that little time on hand, it could be the perfect day for me to hide in some corner and mug. Where could be the perfect place for me to do my reading? Time to start asking around. Home is definitely NO NO, I cannot study at home!

Disappointing

What a mess I have created for this semester, my test results are definitely not ideal. My assignments are due in a week's time and its only...10% done.

What am i doing?

I am drowning. And sometimes I feel like throwing my handphone away with the calls and smses, so nobody could reach me, maybe I should even delete my email addresses, facebook a/c, laptops and all my gadgets. So I have the perfect reason for not replying anyone. Technology advantage is starting to become a disadvantage to me.

I forgot to bring my phone out today, and surprisingly, I don't feel uncomfortable at all! What could this mean?

A series of burn-a-big-hole-in-pocket events

Great, what a way to start the year.

First, vacuum cleaner spoiled, then the kitchen's and the masterbedroom toilet's tap leaked, and Joy just broke my Levis spectacle lens and frame by chewing it like its her own toy! The spectacles cost me more than $200 and its less than a year old... sob sob. Bye bye to my favourite spec.

Why do I feel so shitty?

I don't understand why I am feeling so shitty.
I have an empty space inside my heart, and that space seemed to be filled with nothing but sadness. Seeing other people happy with their SO makes me envious. The way they whispered, giggled and smiled.

Why am I not letting go of that past? Why am I so unhappy? Why am I angry? Why am I crying?