Responsibilities

Isn't it a long word to spell? And its quite a mouthful word to pronounce with 6 syllabus. Responsibilities is indeed a heavy word. When I see "leadership", I see "responsibilities".

I wonder what pushes me to take up leadership roles?
In Soka, I took up the leadership role to strengthen my faith. It has been a few years, but I haven't seen myself growing and developing well in this role. Rather, it has become a chore for me. Because I am being responsible, I took it upon myself even though I am not that willing. And now it has become a chore.

At work, more responsibilities could be a double-edge sword. If I do well, it would increase the chances of promotion. But if it becomes so overwhelming that I am not able to cope, then it is pointless. If I am expected to lead, then I have to take on more responsibilities. And I have to produce results.

In school, the responsibility to do well and get good grades is something that I must do. I didn't study hard enough when I was younger. Now that I am older and trying to catch up with peers, it gets really tiring. Eversince I started my part-time studies, my health suffered. Lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of money. The cost of education really emptied out my savings, and put me in debts.

In the family, I get the most responsibilities by virtue of being the eldest child. I get the most of everything. Most scoldings, most freedom, most of the talented genes, most respect. But all these meant the family is most reliant on me. Sometimes I wonder, if I were to die suddenly, will they cope well?

I am not one who enjoys being a leader, yet in every aspect of my life, I have to be a leader.
TM has been a wonderful chapter of my life. But do I have that ability and capacity to take on more responsibilities? I have my reserves about it.